How to Appear Important - Be Heard

[Disclaimer: 3 and a half walls assumes no responsibility for the effects of implementing "How to appear important" strategies. Side effects may include: laziness, apathy, dislike, anger, weight gain, weight loss, people talking behind your back, internet addiction, believing you should be paid to do nothing, general feelings of superiority, drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery while using these strategies.  Consult your physician if conditions do not improve.  Use at your own risk. Discontinue use of "How to appear important" immediately if fired. Batteries still not included. Patent pending.]


How to Appear Important
Method 2: Be Heard

If no one can hear you, do you even exist?  Not in the corporate world.  Stop quietly accomplishing your work, instead start loudly disrupting the work of others!

Step 1: Speaker Phone

Quick!  Put that handset down!  Don't waste your breath doing actual work that no one can hear.  Speaker phone can help ensure everyone in the surrounding area will hear you doing work.  All it takes is the touch of a button.

Nothing says "I'm important" like using speaker phone from your cubicle.  It has that air of pretentiousness to it. 

Next time you find yourself making a business call, use speaker phone and talk loudly.  Don't worry about the fact that you're the only one at your location on the phone call and how it would be much less disruptive if you used the handset (or a headset if you have one).  That is not the point!  The idea behind this strategy is that you want everyone around you to know you are working.  If it makes their jobs more difficult because they can't hear themselves thinking, all the better.  It will give you an extra leg up on that corporate ladder.  If your manager's desk is within earshot, be sure to use speaker phone when he is around so he can hear just how important and hard working you are.

Method 2: Ask Questions

Asking questions is not only a great way to try and stay awake during meetings, but it's a great way to draw more attention to yourself and make you feel important.  Think back to your college days and that annoying kid in the lecture who always asked questions.  You know, the kid that made everyone groan when his hand shot up.  Sure, the other students despised him, but the professor knew that student's name.  Having your name known is the first step of brown-nosing and the only way to the top of the corporate world.

So, ask questions, just about any question will do, but here are some generic examples to get you started:

"What do you mean by [something just said]?"

"How will this effect the bottom line?"

"How did you arrive at your conclusion?"

"Is this going to take much longer?  I have other things I need to do"

Method 3: Spout Random Facts

If you find asking questions too difficult because of timing issues, spouting random facts is for you.  Timing and relevance are not required! 

One example of spouting random facts that I have always enjoyed is living in the past.  I have actually heard this while visiting a plastic supplier: "when I used to work in plastics in 1980, the new technologies were [list of stuff I have never heard of and further discussion of how great it was]".  There is no way anyone will interpret that as something other than thinking you are an expert.  No one will see through your statements and think, 'he's living off of former glory and has no idea of today's reality'.  Never.

Another great way to use random facts is to bewilder and confuse your audience. 

No one will refute your statement. Your wealth of knowledge will leave others in awe.  They will ponder how what you said fits into the conversation.  If anything, they will feel like the idiot for not understanding. 

 
 
 
So remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  Don't fall into the background, you want everyone at the workplace to know your name.  Everyone knows the company president's name.  Therefore, fame = importance.  So go claim yours with a loud voice.