[Disclaimer: 3 and a half walls assumes no responsibility for the effects of implementing "How to appear important" strategies. Side effects may include: laziness, apathy, dislike from others, people talking behind your back, internet addiction, believing you should be paid to do nothing and other general feelings of superiority. Use at your own risk. Discontinue use of "How to appear important" immediately if fired. Batteries not included. Patent pending.]
How to Appear Important
Method 1: Always appear overworked
The brilliance behind this method is that you don't actually have to be overworked to pretend you are.
Step 1: Keep your desk cluttered
Clutter is great for looking busy. "I have all this stuff on my desk because I'm in the middle of several projects. I am very busy and important." I like to keep parts on my desk, several stacks of paper, guides, catalogs, and other reference materials. And boxes, boxes are great. I have one I use for a footstool, and to appear important.
If your company has rules regarding keeping your desk in order, it is a great opportunity to explain to your boss how you are too busy to keep your desk clean. Try and find a balance between clutter and chaos. Chaos will only lead to losing things and people commenting on your mess.
Step 2: Procrastinate
Procrastination always gets a bad name, but I'm here to tell you how procrastination can help you look busy. Say you have 4 things to do at work and you could finish them in the current workday. Don't! This way when someone asks you what you're working on, you can spout off a list of stuff that you "haven't had time to get around to yet".
Be sure to memorize this line: "It's not my top priority right now". Now, when someone asks why you haven't done something, you will always have a perfect response.
Please note, anything with a deadline or that people are sure to ask about should be accomplished in a timely fashion. Only apply this technique to those stupid little tasks that if you wait 2 months to do no one will notice or care.
Step 3: Meetings - better late or never
No, that's not a typo. It is better to be late or just not attend meetings than actually show up on time. First off, do you really want to sit through that boring meeting anyway? No, you don't! You'd rather play online. Of course when someone asks why you missed the meeting, tell them about how busy you are, you just couldn't get away from whatever you were doing.
Showing up late to a meeting is a great way to draw attention to yourself. By showing up late, and preferably out of breath from running to try and make it on time, you can show all the attendees how important you are because you couldn't make it there on time.
Step 4: "Working" overtime
Working extra hours is a great way to show how overworked you are, but do you really want to work extra hours? Of course not!
To implement this step you must first figure out if your boss is the arrive early or stay late type. If he is the arrive early type, then you need to arrive early too. Bring your breakfast and maybe a book in with you in the morning. Get in early and hide in your cubicle. Take a nap if you wish. It's usually nice and quiet in the morning before all those annoying coworkers show up. If your boss is a stay late type, then you need to be as well. The quiet afternoon/evening hours are great for a game of cards on the computer, or perhaps printing off coupons for the shopping you need to do after work.
I know no one wants to stay at work longer than they have to. I suggest taking a long lunch, or adjusting your schedule to still only 'work' 8 hours, while appearing to be at work more. For instance, if you're staying late to impress the boss, well then, sneak in a little late too.
Remember, an overworked employee appears dedicated and hardworking. Now you can have people think you are a hardworker, without the hassle of actually working hard.
Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI can testify to the effectiveness of 1 - 3.
Thanks. I may have used 1, 2, and 4 myself.
ReplyDelete