How to Appear Important - Brown-nosing and Name-dropping

[Disclaimer: blah, blah, use at your own risk, written consent of major league baseball, side effects are bad, all sales final, etc.]



How to Appear Important
Method 3: Brown-nosing and Name-dropping  (aka "networking")

Have you lost all self-respect?  Are you ready to get dirty and become a mindless drone?  If you answered "yes" to either of these questions, brown-nosing and name-dropping are for you!

Step 1: Name-dropping

A great way to appear important is to let everyone know of any association between you and people who actually are important. 

Did your boss give you instructions to do something a certain way?  Great!  If anyone questions you, just tell them "My boss said it needs to be done this way".  Did your college professor tell you you're great at math?  Next time someone questions your numbers, just state, "While attending University X, professor Z told me I was his favorite student."

Name-dropping during meetings is the perfect time to appear important.  Be sure to use the name of someone not attending the meeting.  As soon as you mention during your presentation, "while I discussed this with the CEO..." your audience will be in awe.  

When using this technique, watch out for other name-droppers and potential escalation bouts.

Name-dropping can also be used as an excuse.  When questioned as to why such an idiotic action was taken, I have heard, "Well, manager J knew about it, so I had to do something". 

Step 2: Brown-nosing

When name-dropping doesn't make you feel important enough, it is time to move on to brown-nosing.  Every hero needs a sidekick, and sidekicks still get some of the fame and glory.  If you can be seen as the company president's right hand man, then you will be considered important.

There are several different strategies one can take for brown-nosing

• Compliments and flattery - "Excellent presentation, sir"  "Sir, you're looking good today" 
• Task person - do anything and everything that is asked of you. "I'll get that coffee with 1 sugar and 2 creams right away"
• Friends  - use any common bond you may have, or just take up his interests as your own.  "I saw our favorite team played really well this weekend"
• Yes man - "I agree, cutting pay and doubling the workload is a brilliant cost savings strategy"

While brown-nosing and name-dropping are for people with no self-respect, a new label of "networking" has been applied to these ideas such that workers can pretend to be dignified while sucking up.  Networking is the polite (and preferred) term for office politics. 

Whenever I hear the term "networking", I picture a spider web where once someone has met you or talked to you, you are trapped in the web and they can use you however they please.

So go out, spin your web, suck-up some, and make yourself feel and appear important.

After all, it's not what you know, it's who you know; or so I've heard.